The fresh start is inside, not outside!
I saw a Facebook post from a friend today, and from many friends in the past about moving away somewhere and having a fresh start. Having had this feeling myself and going through the process I have some experience of this situation and having studied some psychology related to this I felt the need to express my opinion to shed some light on this common issue, hoping that it might inspire and help someone.
Let me start with the obvious. People who think like this are obviously not happy. But what is happy?
I think the following sentence perfectly explains it:
“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.”
I am not sure who the original author if this quite is but it is Dale Carnegie who made it popular.
It does sound simple but it contains a lot more than it shows. Most people who dream about a fresh start somewhere else DO NOT KNOW what they want from life. They don’t know who they are, what their values are etc.
If a person knows that he wants to be a surfing champion and he lives 500 miles from the sea he would either move to the sea straight away so that he can pursue his dream or he would work his as off where he is to have the money to move while reading books about surfing, maybe practicing on a balance board and doing ground based exercises to build a physique which will work well once he gets the chance to really practice on the water. If a person has no dream they live an average life where they go with the flow, don’t think for themselves, are influenced by everyone else and they blame outer circumstances for their unhappiness such as friends, family, whole society, or the city they live in, or whatever…
Someone who has no dream (you can call it a goal if you want) will have no better life after a “fresh start” by moving to a new country/city. Fact! These people have to look in themselves, decide once and for all to be successful and happy, discover exactly what it is that they want from life, and act in accordance with the values and goals they have set for themselves. This can be as simple as being a good father, mother as well as surfing champion, author, singer, mma fighter or whatever.
If your dream does force you to move then you will not hesitate and post things on facebook but act! Simples 😉
Most dreams do not require change in location or anything, only a change (fresh start) in your mind-set and habits!
As an example: Let’s say a person has been living an ok life, but something is missing, he’s ok but not very happy. He spends some time “with himself” and discovers that he is really a rock star inside but he is not living his dream, because of “what would people think”, “I need to take care of my family”, “it’s not a safe journey to make steady income” , “I’m too old” etc…
How can this persons life turn out from this point?
Option1: As many people do, he carries on with his life as now, he feels he is not happy and watches tv, drinks alcohol, spends his money on useless things which he feels will fill some space in his heart (which it does not) to distract him from not living his dream. He plays his guitar a bit once a month when he feels that he is very truly happy and wished he could play music for a living but he does not act on his calling due to social pressure and lack of belief in himself. This way nothing changes, he is not going to be any happier. And it’s likely that he will get more miserable and sick mentally and physically.
Option2: What many people think as a good option, he moves away so that he has a “fresh start” 🙂 where no-one knows him. This is very unlikely to work, as if he is afraid of being judged by his family and friends, his family will still judge him no matter what country/city he is in. A good thing is that he has a chance to find friends who are like-minded and support him, but if he does not find or does not want to find these types of people he will just try to fit in with normal people and will end up not pursuing his dream again, so he will be where he started.
(Do you see here that if he does not have a dream he will be exactly at the same place as where he started? If he has a dream, moving can help a little bit, but without a dream NOTHING will change.)
Option3: So why not pursue his dream wherever he is? As I said earlier his family will judge him anyway, so he might as well talk to his family, tell them that he will get a job which does not make him stressed and sick so that he has time to practice his guitar skills and maybe get a few gigs in the local pubs. Would he not be a lot happier? If he is a lot happier would he not have a better relationship with his family and everyone around him? If his family and friends do not support him the only option is to distance himself anyway, who needs people like that in their lives? No person who loves you will tell you not to follow your dream.
Of course this option involves a lot more, such as if he earns less he will have to say bye to some possessions such as tv subscriptions and other expenses which do not support his dream. Is it not worth it though to be happy and know that you are true to yourself and not prostituting yourself for money and to make other people happy?
Of course it is!
I could carry on all day but I’ll let you guys spend time following your dreams or taking time to find your dream 😉
It’s only recently that I clearly figured out (I had an idea before but I did not clarify it to myself with supporting values) that my dream is to help people to be happier and healthier, whether that’s through training them in the gym, giving them nutrition advice, massage or guiding them closer to their dreams through a blog post. So even though I will not earn any money from this blog post and I even reduced the number of hours I work so that I can write a blog posts if I feel inspired or make a YouTube video or read a book which will help me to help people while I have time to eat healthy and move so that I will be a good example for everyone, it fills my heart with a lot of joy that I am spending my time sitting at the computer typing because I am doing something that is aligned with my DREAM.
So follow your dream by all means or make it your main goal to find it!
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope it was helpful in some way.
If it was please share with other so that they can be inspired too and have a chance for a happier life.
Any comments are welcome too, even if negative 😉
For useful health/fitness tips and motivation like my facebook page. https://facebook.com/strongestmeakos
P.S.: Meditation helped me a lot with finding my dream and values, here’s a video on that if you are interested 🙂 Enjoy!